What if the Washington Township Chemical Leak never happened, killing Edward Alderson and Angela’s Mom? What if Elliot, Darlene and Angela hadn’t grown into cyber-hacking crypto-anarchists and had been born Republicans?
What if their Republican Grandad “Mr Robot Senior” came to stay and brought hats? What if nothing was as it seemed and the whole fabric of the show was upside down?
Well, Couchpotato goes where no-one else dares…
If The Alderson family were from a long line of military generals, Edward Alderson wouldn’t have run a failing computer shop after contracting leukaemia from working at a nuclear power plant, no – he’d have been a four-star general and have looked like this!
And with a father around, to teach him right from wrong, and to give him a good whipping and send him off to military boarding school, Elliot would have no social anxiety, meaning he would have sailed through school and university to move to Washington to follow a career in politics.
After a few short years, playing the game and rising through the ranks, Elliot quickly became President Trump’s Press Secretary.
Because if Sean Spicer can do it, anyone can.
Without her panic attacks and obvious eating disorders, Darlene would, no doubt, have majored in history, economics and politics at Harvard before marrying, becoming a homemaker with a love for baking and re-training in her thirties as a nutritionist.
She goes on to become a health guru to film stars, the Beverly Hills set and fast-food lover President Trump.
Wholesome Republicans and good friends of the Alderson family – The Wellicks married into a proud family with a history of
narcissism, draft-dodging, tax-evasion, expulsion from countries, infidelity, lying, cheating, bankruptcy, fraud, racism and misogyny dignity, morality and all-American family values.
Tyrell regularly helps African villagers by keeping lion populations at a minimum while Angela has her own fashion and jewellery line – though the expression on her face suggests it’s not doing too well right now!
Despite permanently looking like she’s suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, beautiful immigrant, Joanna Wellick went on to give up her manipulative, Lady MacBeth ways – instead safe in the knowledge that someone else is pulling the strings.
Just as the ghost of Edward manipulates Elliot, the flaky desiccated corpse of Steve Bannon manipulates Grandad Robot – The President.
Here, the two meet clandestinely – not because their discussions are top secret, but because they don’t want it known that they buy their clothes from the same thrift store.
And speaking of ghosts… I knew I’d seen that Kellyanne Conway somewhere before…