After seeing the success of Game of Thrones, Amazon Prime want in on the sword and sorcery scene and are trying to conjure up a Lord of the Rings TV show.

Amazon’s CEO and self-confessed fantasy and sci-fi fan, Jeff Bezos is personally involved with talks between Warner Bros and The Tolkien Estate about the bringing J.R.R. Tokien’s works to the small screen.

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The word on the street is that The Tolkien Estate has been hawking a Lord of the Rings series around and Amazon have emerged as frontrunners. Talks are at an embroynic stage so there’s no word if the show would be a retelling of the nine members of The Fellowship (eleven including Gollum and Bill the pony) and their journey towards Mordor.

But with HBO already trying to milk it with five, yes FIVE Game of Thrones spin-off shows in the works, is there room for a Lord of The Rings TV show and a rumoured Star Wars live action TV show? Hell yeah, because there’s…

ONE RING TO REUEL THEM ALL

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That’s a joke for you die-hard Tolkien fans.

LOTR is one of the original, best-told purposefulful Hero’s Journeys, so barring any disasters, it will always hold up. I loved Peter Jackson’s Fellowship of the Ring when it came out in 2001 (How the fuck did that happen?) but as the franchise went on, The Twin Towers and Return of the King became tiresome, sorry displays. Plus, I grew up quite a bit.

There were notable moments – Arwen’s spell (Gandalf only made the flood look like horses, the wanker) Andy Serkis as Gollum, the whole forty minute Mines of Moria section, The Shire – seemingly all from the first book, which I always did prefer, probably cos I’m from The Shire.

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But then there was lots that was bad – Scottish Hobbits, an American Hobbit who pronounced water “wãt-rrrr”, Cockney Orcs, Lurtz, CGI Wargs, Gilmi, Orlando Bloom, Treebeard sounding just like Gimli, Orlando Bloom, Gimi’s jokes, Saruman’s death and 45 endings. Oh, and Orlando Bloom.

And Faramir can fuck off while we’re at it. And don’t get me started on The Hobbit. 

With so much material, from There and Back Again to The Silmarillion and my favourite, Unfinished Tales (posthumously co-authored by Christopher Tolkien – I would dearly love to see The Tale of Tinúviel or The Tale of Beren and Lúthien – fogive me, I’m being a geek!)

But imagine six seasons to really explore characters, the geography, the politics, the magic, the mythology and all the sections Peter Jackson’s movies missed – The Barrow Wights, the Witch King of Angmar’s backstory, The Battle of Bywater, Sharkey, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, and Tom Bombadil and Goldberry – the latter of which both my beloved and equally terrifying Ralph Bakshi animation and the excellent BBC Radio 4 adaptation also missed out.

Speaking of which, the producers should revisit the radio play for inspiration as it really understood the essence of Tolkien.

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And speaking of Goldberry. I’ve just cum.