Admittedly, Cheap, Cheap Cheap isn’t the kind of show I watch or write about but it sounds so completely fucking bonkers that I just had to!

Noel Edmonds has reinvented himself more times than Doctor Who, but this cross between Open All Hours and The Price is Right might be the final nail in the coffin.

The idea is that geriatrics still think we’re living under wartime rations and will watch any old shite.

Sorry, let me start again… Noel, of course, takes the form of quizmaster, being a general smart-arse and goading plebs who don’t own helicopters and live in mansions or “contestants” into guessing which of three, similar objects is the cheapest. Guess which tin of beans is the cheapest eight times, à la Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and The One Million Pound Drop and you can walk away with mega bucks.

Helping Noel are a set of “characters” who seem to have walked straight off the set of Ricky Gervais’ sitcom-within-a-sitcom When The Whistle Blows. 

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Barry (radio “personality” Alex Lowe aka ‘Barry from Watford’ from Steve Wright in the afternoon), hippy Marijana – she’s mixed race so she must smoke blunts, a Take Heart Mr Bennett-like caretaker Keith and stroppy sales assistant Kelly. It all sounds so amatuer and cringeworthy that, if Kerry Katona’s Iceland adverts were Dante’s eighth level of hell, this is the ninth… and I just have to see it – but why, oh why does my wifi fail me today of all days? Curse you, gods!

Speaking of gods, remember this is the man who says he owes his recent Deal or No Deal success to cosmic ordering. That said, Cheap, Cheap Cheap sounds less like the Power of Attraction and more like walking straight into one of Noel’s fever dreams – this all comes at a time when Noel is suing Lloyds Bank for £30 Million after losing money to a fraudster and hot on the heels of his pet-whispering phone hotline where phones up your cats and dogs to give them motivational speeches (I shit ye not!) 


Though confined to the tumbleweed slot of 3pm, weekdays, Noel probably can’t believe that Channel Four have commished 30, one hour episodes of this tripe. I think it will go the same way as C4’s recent live, unscripted Host The Week but it wouldn’t surprise me if Noel is soon signing a multi-million pound contract as Cheap, Cheap, Cheap gets translated into dozens of international versions.

He might be madder than his own tits but we could probably all learn a thing or two from Noel’s bounce-backability.

Cheap, Cheap Cheap premieres today, Monday 14th August on Channel Four at 3pm.
Watch it quick as it’s highly likely it may have been pulled by tomorrow!